Loki lost her valiant battle

well, since I believe that I've been one of the most neglectful bloggers EVER, I figured it was time to get my shit together and post something. It's going to take me a while to catch up--and it might be a little confusing because the timeline is going to be going back and forth--but, I will do my best to clarify.

I am going to restart with a post about Loki--and honestly--I think part of why I haven't posted in so long is because I knew I needed to start with this--and I wasn't sure what to say that would honor her in the way that she deserves--I'm still not sure what to say-but sometimes-as they say "you gotta shit or get off the pot"

So, I will begin with the beginning--literally. Loki was my very first ferret--she was the first step leading me on the path that I truly believe I am meant to travel. I know, sounds like an awful lot of responsibility for a little 1 1/2 lb sable fluffball--but, she was certainly up for it!

I've always been an animal person--and I didn't dislike ferrets--I thought they were cute but I really didn't know that much about them. Rich had never owned them--but he had friends who had them in the past and loved them--and he also knows me well enouph to know that I would love them also. So, once we actually decided it was a possibility--we obtained as much information as possible--did our research--decided we wanted to adopt. (we researched for 3 months before we even made the definitive decision to adopt)

In the meantime, a friend of a friend had to give up his ferret so we were going to meet him and see if we were all a good fit. Without going into alot of detail, it fell through and we figured it "wasn't meant to be" at that particular time.

About a month later (at the time, Rich was working in the fish dept at Petco on weekends-and he put the word out that if any ferrets got turned in, give him a call) Rich got a call that someone had just brought a little girl in--and before I could blink, he was back at home with an adorable little 4 month old girl.

From day one, Loki has always been Mama's little girl--and she was very much a people ferret. She was funny, sweet and introduced me to the wonderful world of weasledom. She didn't seem to mind being an only ferret, but all of the information I saw said that ferrets need a buddy--one of their own kind. So, once again that situation provided itself and we rescued Coyle (that is anther story for another time)

The funny thing is, when we brought Coyle home--she looked at him and then us like "and WHAT is THIS???" I've since realized that she did need to be with her own kind--but since she considered herself a person, she was just fine with Mama and Dada. LOL

The funniest thing about her is that she was never aggressive and frightened of any other ferrets--she just didn't consider herself on the same level with them--and in my experience thus far--she is still kind of an anomaly--because typically someone who doesn't like other ferrets is aggressive or afraid--and once they conquer that, they love the other ferrets. That wasn't the case with her--she was the queen and as long as everyone else realized that, things were all good. She did eventually frolic and play with Coyle (and later Dusty) and typically set them up to carry off one of her schemes--but everyone knew who was in charge.

Again, she tolerated the other ferrets but if a person was around, she was miss gregarious. She went over to them--introduced herself, crawled all over them, etc. I used her a couple times in a program at an elementary school and she was in her glory. As I got more into the rescue part of things, she would warm up to some of the fosters (especially if they were sick).

As time went on, I noticed she wasn't right, I won't post about it now, but if anyone is interested, they can get some of the details on some of my prior posts: VENT about Non shelter ferret , Loki Update and therebye the grace of God, Go I....

She was hanging in there but she was slowly declining. Rich and I had a cruise coming up and I was really stressing about it because I suspected that she would do well with changes at that point. She must have known that she wouldn't either because she started experiencing breathing difficulties and when we rushed her to the vet, one of her lungs had collapsed and I made the decision to let her go. It was two days before we were scheduled to leave.

As heartbroken as I was (and still am) I was also relieved. She told me it was time to go and I was here to listen. In the course of her illness, I was very aware that she was not going to get better, so I was very careful to live my life with her as though I might not get a tomorrow. I didn't want to live with the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" So, I spent my time with her in a way that I wouldn't have to--when it was time for her to go, I had no regrets (other than the obvious one that I was losing her) I was able to look at Sue (the vet) through my tears and tell her that I wouldn't have done anything differently. How amazing--How often in our lives do we get that opportunity?

That is an amazing gift--one of many she has given me.

So, I will finish this today with the precious moment I had with her about four months before I lost her--knowing this day would come.

Forever Moments....
The House is still as I lay asleep on the futon. Below my consciousness, I feel a little brush against my face. Thinking that I am dreaming, I sigh and fall back into sleep. But there it is again, like little butterfly wings, gently kissing my cheeks.

I lie there, floating in that state between sleep and wakefulness I feel it again--along my chin-my nose, my lips, my eyes. As it continues, I finally surface and slowly open my eyes. It is Loki.

Having awakened from her perch in her split hammock--she comes over to the futon to rub her whiskers and nose all along my face. As I lay their unmoving, she continues to give my face her little whiskery kisses until she is done.

She pats my cheek with her nose one last time as if to say "I love you mama, now I'm going back to bed" and toddles back to her hammie to fall back to sleep.

I am blessed, because I will have that moment forever... even after the lymphoma has finally won the battle she continues to wage--I will have that moment. I will be able to pluck it from my heart-where all such memories are safely tucked away.

My first little sable baby, blessing her mama's face with her sweet little whiskery kisses.